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Let's start a RIOT in me. They taped over your mouth. Scribbled out the truth. With their lies. Your little spies.
Things have been hard lately. Work is just, hectic. J is never home, they have him traveling 3 weeks out of every month. So I'm on my own a lot and that gives me a lot of time alone with my own thoughts. Certain people I have/had in my life make me very angry these days. I mean it's a physical reaction when I think of them. I'm not going to name names because I don't know who all reads this. The whole thing is that you spend so much time and energy on a person, friendship or romantic, and you have this illusion of them in your mind. Maybe not an illusion, it may just be me and my whole problem of trying to see the good in people. Some of these people had a spot in my heart and I believed they had nothing but good in them and only thought of the best for me. In the last year, since my move especially, I've seen people's true nature comes to light. I started to notice all of these things that had been pointed out to me before but I just didn't notice or chose not to believe. Now, these personality traits or just who they are, makes me want to scream at them. Part of my problem has always been that my life has never been on track with that of my peers. Even friends several years older don't have the responsibilities and priorities that I have to have in order to survive. I'm a lot more adult than I should be. I often look at pictures friends send me from their college parties or feild parties back in Texas and I wish I could just be that careless. I can't though, I have to survive and make my life good. I don't have people paying my way. Anyway, I don't really know what I'm trying to say. I just needed to say it. I'm begining to hate people I once loved. So strange. 
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